Couples Therapy on Long Island
“Being the “best you can be” is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another. Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.”
— Dr. Sue Johnson
Couples Therapy
Relationships can be difficult to maintain, especially as the years go by and each person changes in unforeseen ways. A break in communication can often lead to other problems that plague modern marriages, and therapy can be a powerful way to tease out the underlying issues in order to build stronger connections with your partner.
Do you find yourself wondering why you haven't found the love you want in your relationships? Or why it seems like love fades the longer you’ve been together?
Do you believe no matter what you say or do for your significant other, it's never the "right thing" or "good enough"? Do you find yourself in the aftermath of a betrayal in one way or another?
These are common feelings to have when you have been in a long-term relationship but couples therapy can help.
Couples Therapy in a Nutshell
In a long partnership, people tend to drift apart. It’s the natural ebb and flow of relationships, and there’s nothing inherently wrong in your relationship if you feel this way. The trick is being able to pull yourself back together and rediscover what drew you to your partner in the first place.
To some couples, it might feel uncomfortable to air out your “dirty laundry” in front of another person. We want you to know that’s not how it feels from our side. We are there simply to help communication flow easily, to serve as a middle ground for each partner. The connection is already there—we’re just there to remind you what it is and how to tap into it.
Comfort is Key
One of the most important parts of couples therapy is feeling comfortable, both with the idea of attending therapy and with the therapist as well. Usually, one partner is much more convinced about the wonders of therapy than the other, and in these cases, it’s important to show them how grateful you are that they are giving therapy a try.
It’s important to know that your therapist is not going to take sides regarding whatever conflict you may bring in, no matter their gender or personal history. The role of the therapist is not to claim one partner the victor over the other, but to help them hear and truly see one another.
We also want you to feel comfortable working with the specific therapist you’ve selected.
Ideally, you and your partner will feel comfortable sharing with each other under the guidance of your therapist. But if there’s something that makes you uncomfortable, the best way to solve that problem is to talk to your therapist and see if the issue can be fixed. A good therapist welcomes any input, and we like to be flexible and open to our client’s needs.
Spotlight: Gottman Method Orientation
While couples therapy can take many forms, we specialize in using the Gottman Method. The main idea of this methodology is to give priority to unresolved conflicts and to try and talk through them through the use of positive communication. The goal is to promote communication by avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling -all terms that you will become more familiar with over the course of therapy.
The Gottman Method has been incredibly effective in our experience in increasing respect, intimacy, and affection in the couples we’ve worked with. By removing barriers toward conflict resolution, couples who are open to using this method can create a profound sense of empathy and understanding in their relationship, enough to sustain them for years to come.
Spotlight: Somatic Couples Therapy
We also provide a modified version of Somatic Therapy for couples, which essentially seeks to enhance the mind-body connection.
FAQs
What does a therapist know about my relationship?
This is actually a great point because the benefit of having a therapist for couples therapy is the fact that they’re unbiased strangers. They’re not involved in your lives, and can therefore take a non-judgmental approach to help you realize where particular patterns may be emerging. Many people in long-term relationships don’t even realize the things they may be doing that hurt their partner, but a trained third-party observer can find these moments and gently confront them.
What is the goal of couples therapy?
Couples therapy is very much like individual therapy in that each couple is unique and the therapy will reflect that. Furthermore, the goal of therapy is to meet the needs and preferences of the client. In couples therapy, there are two people involved, which means two sets of preferences and needs. Your therapist will do their best to honor both partners and give them both the space they need to express their goals for the relationship, whether it’s to stay together, to separate gracefully, or even to establish solid footing for a younger relationship just starting out.
Why shouldn’t I just end the relationship and start fresh with someone new?
Some couples feel that if they can’t solve their problems on their own, they aren’t right for each other. Breaking up seems like the only option. Unfortunately, this is often not the case.
What we know is that people bring the same patterns and bad habits into new relationships, and continue the same cycle. Couples therapy is often more about learning about yourself so you can be a better partner in your relationship. Be aware that the goal of couples therapy is not to make a judgment about whether or not a couple should break up but rather help the people involved understand each other and their relationship from a different perspective.
What results can we expect from couples therapy?
While we cannot guarantee your relationship will continue in the way you hope for, we can assure you that by the end of your therapeutic journey you will have a much better understanding of your relationship and yourself as a partner. If both partners are willing and open to working on themselves, you will be a source of comfort and support for each other with the tools at your disposal to manage conflict in much more effective and positive ways.